Is Your Problem Self-Correcting?

From the Pick Your Battles Department comes some well-phrased, good advice from Bryan Hurlbut from his book Making It Count. I’ve adapted a few excerpts to give you the main idea:

With so many battles raging around us, it’s important to realize our limitations. We deal with other’s emotions and our emotions; we deal with coworkers’ inadequacies and our own inadequacies; we deal with abused authority and our own frustrations with abused authority. There are so many opportunities to become frustrated, disheartened, exasperated, angry and dejected that we really don’t need to go looking for things to add to our emotional and professional plates.

Because these stressors are so prevalent, we can’t carry all of them or we’ll break. So, how do you keep the stressors down to a minimum, increase your productivity and keep yourself out of trouble with your boss all at the same time? Evaluate the situation and ask yourself this question, “Is this self-correcting?” If the answer is “yes,” ten you have discovered one more key to unlocking yourself from a heavy burden.

How many times have you run across experiences that were so extremely frustrating that you wanted to retaliate but felt the prison term wasn’t worth the effort? You can see the problem, you can see the proposed solution won’t work, and yet, no one will listen to you. Then, to add insult to injury, the problem that will arise by following this so-called solution directly affects your area of concern. That means you will be the one having to clean up the mess in the end. As frustrating as this my be, you must realize that no matter how hard you try to fight the process, you are destined to lose because the political waters you are skiing in are shark-infested, and the only people who have the shark repellant are too busy steering the boat into the most beautiful sunset they have ever imagined. So now you are faced with a dilemma. You ask yourself, “Do I continue to fight and possibly sacrifice my position and future with my employer? Or, do I calmly vocalize my concerns, go along for the ride (knowing that it’s going to be inconvenient) and just do as I’m told, hoping that sooner or later management will se that this solution is as futile as I had suggested?” To answer this question, first ask yourself, “Is this self-correcting?” It is it self-correcting, you’re done. Consider it job security.

Keep in mind too, that from time to time you will be the one with the “brilliant” solution that proves to be defective or your assessment of someone else’s solution is wrong and it may just be the thing that works. So don’t sabotage the situation. He cautions, “Don’t walk through the situation constantly trying to prove that you are right and others are wrong. When the decision is made, try with all your might to make it work, and if it fails, you will have no regrets. Equally as important, you have proven yourself to be a team player who is not a spoiled child and who can continue to bring great value to an organization even when you don’t get your way.” Well put.

Most problems do correct themselves. If the damaged caused by the solution isn’t irreparable, give it time and move on.

He has written up a lot of good advice in this little book that will help you leave a situation better than you found it and here is one more to keep in mind: You are not responsible for what you say; you’re responsible for what people hear. Good material.

Related Posts:
  Focus on the War, Not the Battle
  A Pyrrhic Victory

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Fortune: The Best Advice I Ever Got

Fortune magazine asked 19 people for the best advice that most influenced their lives. Here are several excepts from that feature:

General David Petraeus: Commanding general, multinational force – Iraq
The bottom line is that seriously bright folks thought very differently about important issues, and the debates on various topics were wonderful. All in all, in fact, the experience was invaluable. It may sound trite, but experiencing that not everyone saw the world at all remotely the same was good preparation for many of the experiences I've had since then.

Indra Nooyi: Chairman and CEO, Pepsico
Whatever anybody says or does, assume positive intent. You will be amazed at how your whole approach to a person or problem becomes very different. When you assume negative intent, you're angry. If you take away that anger and assume positive intent, you will be amazed. Your emotional quotient goes up because you are no longer almost random in your response. You don't get defensive. You don't scream. You are trying to understand and listen because at your basic core you are saying, "Maybe they are saying something to me that I'm not hearing." So "assume positive intent" has been a huge piece of advice for me.

Sam Palmisano: Chairman and CEO, IBM
I've noticed that some of the most effective leaders don't make themselves the center of attention. They are respectful. They listen. This is an appealing personal quality, but it's also an effective leadership attribute. Their selflessness makes the people around them comfortable. People open up, speak up, contribute. They give those leaders their very best.

Tony Robbins: Performance coach
Jim Rohn, a personal-development speaker, said, 'Tony, think about it this way. If your worst enemy drops sugar in your coffee, what's going to happen to you? Nothing. But what if your best friend drops strychnine in your coffee? You're dead. You have to stand guard at the door of your mind."

What’s the best advice you ever got?

Posted by Michael McKinney at 12:23 AM
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How To Have Just Enough Anxiety

Robert Rosen has written an excellent book on an issue we all deal with—anxiety. It’s not a bad thing, but “if you let it overwhelm you, it will turn to panic. If you deny or run from it, you will become complacent.” Rosen believes that our problem in dealing with anxiety stems from faulty thinking. In Just Enough Anxiety, he writes, “It goes something like this: Change and uncertainty make me anxious. Anxiety is bad, a sign of weakness. Therefore, I have to avoid change and uncertainty. I have to do whatever I can to avoid anxiety.”

Balance comes from a right attitude and a proper perspective. Dealing with anxiety is no different.

The success of great leaders is all about creating the right level of anxiety for growth and performance. It is their uncommon ability to create just enough tension—within themselves and their organizations—that unleashes the human energy that drives powerful leadership, accelerated growth, and winning companies.

What’s wrong with having too much or too little anxiety?

RR: Too much anxiety comes from negative thinking. When we feel too much anxiety, we attack change. We become combative or controlling as we try to ease the pain we feel. Too little anxiety is grounded in contentment. When we feel too little anxiety, we avoid change. We value the status quo and believe everything will be okay as long as everything stays the same. If your company is going through tough times like a bad economy or a merger, you definitely don’t want too little anxiety.

What exactly is “just enough anxiety”?

RR: The right level of anxiety gives individuals and organizations an emotional charge that helps us thrive in an uncertain world. As we allow ourselves to experience anxiety as our natural response to change, and learn to modulate it, we’re able to live in the world as it is instead of struggling to make it what we want it to be. And as we get better at living with just enough anxiety, it becomes the energy that drives us forward, stretches us, and challenges us to be better tomorrow than we are today.

How can leaders manage anxiety instead of letting it manage them?

RR: It starts with self awareness. Leaders who understand what makes them anxious are better able to increase or decrease their anxiety, as needed to create just enough. But, more than that, it has to do with how they relate to change and uncertainty. By admitting what they can and can’t control, they’re able to take charge of their lives while remaining open to the unexpected. They’re at home in uncharted territory. Instead of seeing anxiety as the enemy, they recognize it as their natural companion on the path of change.


Rosen has placed on his web site a questionnaire to help you determine if you are a Just Enough Anxiety Leader.
Download a PDF of chapter 1: It's Time To Evolve

Posted by Michael McKinney at 10:30 AM
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Making the Impossible Possible

Samuel Johnson once wrote, “The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope.” This statement seems to define Bill Strickland’s life. Make the Impossible Possible is an engaging, inspirational book written with humility and passion.

Bill Strickland’s life changed, when as a boy in a Pittsburgh ghetto, a teacher took the time to show him that he mattered and allowed him to see himself in a new way. (An integral part of any leader’s job.) As a result, he became open to opportunities and created at 19 what became the Manchester-Bidwell Center, the now famous arts-education and job-training center for disadvantaged kids and adults. This extraordinary school was built on Strickland’s belief that “all of us have the potential to make our dreams come true, and that one of the greatest obstacles blocking us from realizing that potential is that we believe, or are told, that things we want most passionately are impractical, unrealistic, or somehow beyond our reach.” He convincingly demonstrates his belief that:

Each one of us, no matter who our parents are, where we live, how much education we have, or what kinds of connections, abilities, and opportunities life may have offered us, has the potential to shape our lives in ways that will bring us the meaning, purpose, and success we long for….I want everyone who comes to this book, no matter what their age or accomplishments or the circumstances of their lives, to rethink their assumptions about what is and isn’t possible in their lives, and to convince themselves that they have not only the right but also the responsibility, and the capacity, to dream big and to make those dreams come true.

Strickland narrates his successes and failures, obstacles and opportunities, his thinking and rethinking, as he went about to create the success he has achieved. It’s a fascinating story. While he has dedicated his life to helping other people, he denies the do-gooder label. He writes, “I didn’t do any of it out of selflessness. I did it to be myself. I did it to enrich my own life, to deepen the quality and meaning of my own experience. I did it because it was a part of what I had to do if I genuinely wanted to be me.”

How often have we been burdened by self-defeating assumptions? Strickland writes that “once we accept the idea that poverty is, essentially, the acceptance of meager possibility, we can’t deny that all of us are in some fashion poor. We all suffer some form of poverty—poverty of imagination, or courage, or vision, or will. We allow ourselves to be limited by our fears—fear of failure, fear of change, fear of being criticized or of looking like a fool.”

This isn’t another see-what-I-did self-help book. It’s a book that invites introspection. Read it and learn from his experience and thinking.

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Changing Your Nature

Personality and temperament are a group of traits that are only partly genetic. They are affected by social factors but remain stable throughout one’s life. But, while our basic personalities don't change significantly after childhood, our behavior can. Psychology Today reports that most traits – like optimism, passion and joy – can be changed. In Second Nature, author Kathleen McGowan, writes:

Tweaking the way you interpret and react to the world can be a transformative experience, freeing you up to act in new ways. At first, it feels awkward, even bizarre. But with new behaviors come new experiences, creating a feedback loop that, over time, reinforces the transition.

Some sought-after qualities are easier to develop than others. Courage, joy, passion, and optimism are among the more amenable to cultivation, but each requires mastering a different—and sometimes surprising—set of skills. To bring more joy and passion into your life, you must paradoxically be more open to experiencing sadness, anxiety, and fear. Learning to think like an optimist, it turns out, is less important than acting like one. And being courageous has nothing to do with how afraid you are: It's a matter of how strongly you feel about your goals. Cultivating these characteristics puts you on the road to that blend of happiness, satisfaction, and purpose that is the height of human functioning, what positive psychologists call "the good life."

British psychologist Daniel Nettle, author of Personality: What Makes You the Way You Are, writing for the BBC, states that when we watch how people respond differently to different circumstances, “something about the way the person is ‘wired up’ seems to be at work, determining how people react to situations, and, more than that, the kind of situations they get themselves into in the first place. This is why personality seems to become stronger as we get older; when we are young, our situation reflects external factors such as the social and family environment we were born into. As we grow older, we are more and more reaping the consequences of our own choices (living in places we ourselves have chosen, doing jobs that we were drawn to, surrounded by people like us whom we have sought out). Thus, personality differences that might have been very slight at birth become dramatic in later adulthood.”

While there is no one best personality to have, each has their advantages and disadvantages, we could do better by getting out of our programmed reactions and try to cover some new ground. Nettle recommends, “If you are an extreme introvert, you might want to challenge yourself to experience the rewards of greater spontaneity and exchange; if you are an extreme extravert, you might want to teach yourself to undertake a long and lonely project that will ultimately be very rewarding. As human beings, we have the unique ability to look in at our personality from the outside and decide what we want to do with it.”

Of Related Interest:
  Our Strengths Are Not to Be Indulged, But Managed
  You Can Change

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Quarrel Not At All: The Stuff of Command

In President Lincoln: The Duty of a Statesman, the follow-up to Lincoln’s Virtues, William Lee Miller, writes that if you knew Lincoln before he became president, you knew that it was part of Lincoln’s character to be capable of overlooking slights to himself, but you might question whether he could, at the same time, “command armies and make the demanding decisions of a nation at war.”

The stuff of command, especially in a giant deadly conflict, would not seem ordinarily to combine well with the stuff of forbearance and generosity. Executive skill and vigor, like a surgeon’s skill, would appear to require a certain withdrawal of empathy. The resolution necessary to great statesmanship would appear to invite, if not even to require, a certain ruthlessness with those whose wills and complex humanity complicate, impede, and even defy one’s vigorously pursued purpose.

In a letter to Captain James M. Cutts who had been found guilty in a court-martial of conduct unbecoming of an officer of a gentleman, Lincoln offered this advice:

Quarrel not at all. No man resolved to make the most of himself, can spare time for personal contention. Still less can he afford to take all the consequences, including the vitiating of his temper and the loss of self-control.

Yield larger things to which you can show no more than equal right; and yield lesser ones, though clearly your own.

Miller writes:

Interpreting Lincoln, we might say: We overestimate our own interest, and we underestimate our adversary’s, so that the advice to yield on all small matters, and on all matters than even to our distorting eyes seem equally balanced, is a moral corrective. Here is a lawyer, and a politician, and a war leader in the midst of tremendous battles giving this surprising advice: quarrel not at all.

Lincoln was a man possessed magnanimity and discriminating judgment, who was able to rise above vindictiveness to win the battles that mattered most. Miller’s book on Lincoln holds many lessons for leaders of today. He shows how Lincoln learned to balance his strengths and weaknesses in a way that made him one of the greatest and most respected leaders in modern times.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 09:37 AM
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What to Do When Things Go Wrong

When things go wrong, we often begin by asking ourselves the wrong questions like “Why is this happening to me?” In QBQ, John Miller writes that “our first reactions are often negative, bringing to mind incorrect questions. But if in each moment of decision we can instead discipline our thoughts to look behind those initial questions and ask better ones (QBQ’s – the Questions Behind the Questions), the questions themselves will lead us to better results….The answers are in the questions.”

When a problem (or a challenge is you prefer) arises, we start looking for some control of the situation. The problem is, we quite naturally begin by looking at those around us and ask the wrong types of questions like “why?” and “who?” The wrong questions take away any control of the situation we might otherwise gain.

In LeaderShock, Greg Hicks suggests that we look for meaning in the situation first. Ask self-revealing questions like:

• What does it say about me that I have this problem—about my practices, my departmental policies, my relationship with customers and staff?
• What can I learn from this?
• How can I make this situation useful to me and my employees?

He adds, “You’re on shaky ground if you attempt to fix a problem without first understanding what it means to you and your organization. By looking for inherent meaning, you open a rich treasure chest of valuable gems that lead to new information, insight, and opportunities.”

John Miller stresses that the right questions contain an “I” and not “you,” “they,” and “them.” “I” questions lead to action. “Questions that contain an “I” turn our focus away from other people and circumstances and put it back on ourselves, where it can do the most good. We can’t change other people. We can’t control circumstances and events. The only things we have any real control over are our own thoughts and actions. Asking questions that focus our efforts and energy on what we can do makes us significantly more effective, not to mention happier and less frustrated.”

Posted by Michael McKinney at 10:28 AM
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Are You Mature?

Tim Elmore of GrowingLeaders.com wrote an interesting article for his monthly Leadership Link newsletter, about maturity. He noted that for the most part, “this generation of kids is advanced intellectually, but behind emotionally.” Intellectually they are exposed to much more sooner than we ever were growing up. But their emotional development is stunted by well-intention parents that hover over their kids—sometimes referred to as helicopter parents—and deny them the necessary pain of maturation.

He also cited another reason. Scientists have found that from ages 11-14, kids lose some of the connections between cells in the part of their brain that enables them to think clearly and make good decisions. The brain is pruning itself. It’s ridding itself of ineffective and weak brain connections. This creates a situation where the brain is between the child brain and the not fully developed adult brain which forms around age 20.

Elmore asks, “What does this mean?” “Students today are consuming information they aren't completely ready to handle. The adult part of their brain is still forming and isn't ready to apply all that our society throws at it. Their mind takes it in and files it, but their will and emotions are not prepared to act on it in a healthy way. They can become paralyzed by all the content they consume. They want so much to be able to experience the world they've seen on websites or heard on podcasts, but don't realize they are unprepared for that experience emotionally. They are truly in between a child and an adult.”

Elmore lists the qualities that we should begin developing in our own kids (and we might look for in ourselves).

1. They are able to keep long-term commitments.
   One key signal of maturity is the ability to delay gratification. They can commit to continue doing what is right even when they don't feel like it.
2. They are unshaken by flattery or criticism.
   As people mature, they sooner or later understand that nothing is as good as it seems and nothing is as bad as it seems. Mature people can receive compliments or criticism without letting it ruin them or sway them into a distorted view of themselves. They are secure in their identity.
3. They possess a spirit of humility.
   Humility parallels maturity. Humility isn't thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less. Mature people aren't consumed with drawing attention to themselves.
4. Their decisions are based on character not feelings.
   Mature people--students or adults--live by values. They have principles that guide their decisions. Their character is master over their emotions.
5. They express gratitude consistently.
   I have found the more I mature, the more grateful I am, for both big and little things.
6. They prioritize others before themselves.
   A pathway out of childishness is getting past your own desires and beginning to live to meet the needs of others less fortunate.
7. They seek wisdom before acting.
   Finally, a mature person is teachable. They don't presume they have all the answers. The wiser they get the more they realize they need more wisdom.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 07:30 AM
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Correct Choices Are the Key to Success

As with Tracy’s Flight Plan, we are once again told that there are no shortcuts on the road to success. In Monday Morning Choices, David Cottrell reasonably claims that success is realized by making more good choices than bad ones and recovering quickly from bad choices when you do make them. Making good choices is the trick.

He divides success enhancing choices into 3 areas: Personal Choices (choices people make that will mold their character), Action Choices (choices that move you beyond just talking about what you want to do) and Investment Choices (those choices about investing in people who will make your life better). To help you to develop your skills for making good choices, he has designed a weekly Ben-Franklin-type program that addresses four key choices in each of the three categories. As Monday sets the tone for the rest of the week, he suggests starting each Monday morning with one of the areas and make a commitment to do something different as a result. In brief, the 12 key choices we all need to address are:

• The No-Victim Choice: Don’t let your past eat your future.
• The Commitment Choice: Be Passionate Enough to Succeed. Be willing to pay the price.
• The Values Choice: Success often brings enemies. Choose your enemies and your friends carefully.
• The Integrity Choice: Do the right thing.
• The Do-Something Choice: Choose to do something that will make a difference.
• The Persistence Choice: Learn from your mistakes.
• The Attitude Choice: Take the Enthusiastic approach.
• The Adversity Choice: Conquer difficult times. Explore workable alternatives.
• The Relationship Choice: Connect with success and be a mentor for others.
• The Criticism Choice: Embrace tough learning.
• The Reality Choice: Face the truth.
• The Legacy Choice: Be willing to share what you know.

Cottrell has a well thought out chapter devoted to each of the above choices. Each chapter has discussion questions that you can use with your own team each Monday morning.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 09:44 AM
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The Real Secret of Success

Brian Tracy has produced another level-headed book with Flight Plan. He correctly asserts that “Every year or two, someone comes along with a book like The Secret, suggesting that there is a quick and easy way to be happy and make a lot of money. According to The Secret, all you have to do is to think and visualize positive thoughts and you will attract into your life all the good things you want. This idea appeals to people who are unwilling to do the hard work that is necessary to achieve anything worthwhile.”

Success happens for a reason and it’s not wishful thinking. We are all subject to the Law of Cause and Effect: For every effect, there is a cause or causes. You get what you put in. It’s as simple as that. It’s not luck or mysterious forces. Actually, that should provide some comfort. It means that it is up to you. You’re in the driver’s seat. Tracy applies the principle well: “If you do what other successful people do, over and over again, nothing can stop you from eventually getting the same results that they do. Conversely, if you don’t do what other successful people do, nothing can help you.” That’s pretty straightforward.

Tracy lays out twelve steps to follow to help you determining and responding correctly to the many hundreds of choices in your journey through life that will help to create the results you’re looking for.

1. Choose Your Destination: What contribution will you make?
2. Review Your Flight Plan Options: You are only as free as your well-developed options. Continually develop options. Hope is not a strategy.
3. Write Your Flight Plan: Write down your goals and then resolve to do something every day, without exception, until your goal is achieved.
4. Prepare for Your Journey: Leave nothing to chance; plan for every eventuality.
5. Take Off at Full Throttle: This is the turning point. Your get out what you put in.
6. Plan for Turbulence: Don’t be surprised if you run into problems—everyone does.
7. Make Continual Course Corrections: You will have to make changes to deal with problems and opportunities that come up. It’s okay to change your mind.
8. Accelerate Your Learning and Progress: Never stop learning and upgrading your knowledge. Learning new skills that can increase your contribution is like stepping on the accelerator of your own potential.
9. Activate Your Superconscious Mind: When you relax completely and let your mind go blank, very often a superconscious idea emerges.
10. Avoid Shortcuts and Other Mirages: Be prepared to pay the full price for success.
11. Master Your Fears: The mastery of fear and the development of courage are essential prerequisites for a happy successful life.
12. Persist Until You Succeed: Persistence is the hallmark of success.

Tracy’s ideas are well worth putting into practice as you begin the new year. He writes, “Character is the ability to follow through on a resolution after the enthusiasm with which the resolution was made has passed.”

Posted by Michael McKinney at 08:56 AM
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Konrad Lorenz on Reflection

In his book, Civilized Man’s Eight Deadly Sins, Austrian zoologist and Nobel Prize winner Konrad Lorenz, wrote of what is lost in man’s race against himself.

Anxious haste and hasty fear help rob man of his most essential properties. One of these is reflection. . . . A being unaware of the existence of its own self cannot possibly develop conceptual thought, word language, conscience, and responsible morality. A being that ceases to reflect is in danger of losing all these specifically human attributes.

One of the worst effects of haste, or the fear engendered by it, is the apparent inability of modern man to spend even the shortest time alone. He anxiously avoids every possibility of self-communion or meditation, as though he feared that reflection might present him with a ghastly self-portrait, such as that of Dorian Gray. The only explanation for the widespread addition to noise—paradoxical considering how neurasthenic people are today—is that something has to be suppressed. . . . I think he [is] only afraid of meeting himself.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 09:50 AM
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New Year's Resolution: Get Better

While it is true that some people just can’t be lead, more often than not, the situation calls for us to get better. Here’s a Taoist story retold in the leadership classic, Leaders: The Strategies for Taking Charge by Warren Bennis and Burt Nanus:

When Yen Ho was about to take up his duties as tutor to the heir of Ling, Duke of Wei, he went to Ch’u Po Yu for advice. “I have to deal,” he said, “with a man of depraved and murderous disposition. . . . How is one to deal with a man of this sort?”

“I am glad,” said Ch’u Po Yu, “that you asked this question. . . . The first thing you must do is not to improve him, but to improve yourself.”

Let's all resolve to get better.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 12:36 PM
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Applied Awareness

In one of this year’s outstanding leadership books, Apples Are Square, authors Susan and Thomas Kuczmarski interviewed Lambert & Associates vice-president of Client Affairs Brian Sorge about seeing what isn’t there.

“Understanding others involves not only paying attention to what they say, but also when they don’t say anything at all,” Sorge believes. “I have always been very emotionally intuitive and that is not easy. I think what happens is that you tend to take on people’s fear and struggles. It allows for tremendous empathy, but also tremendous stress. I remember during speech class in seventh grade, some of the kids would go up there and be so nervous, and I would get tears in my eyes because I could feel their nervousness. I loved getting up and talking to people and giving a speech and I had no problem with it, but I would feel their pain profoundly.”

The authors write, “Good leaders take on the problems of the team. They sense difficulties and out themselves not only in the minds, but also the hearts of those around them. This empathy allows them to develop meaningful solutions that impact people on a personal level.”

Sorge adds the most important component to all of this:

“So many people lack what I call applied awareness. You can give me all the awareness in the world, but you also have to be able to translate that into behavior. In corporate America, it is okay to talk about behavior, but difficult to get beyond talking. That level is not deep enough to make an impact. It allows people to feel like they are changing when they really are not. It is very superficial.”

Posted by Michael McKinney at 10:16 AM
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Never Complain. Never Explain.

Christine Comaford-Lynch relates the following story in her book Rules for Renegades:

There was once a monk who lived in a tiny hut on a hill overlooking a village. He kept to himself, only coming down to the village for food. In that village a young woman had become visibly pregnant, and when her screaming father insisted on knowing who her lover was, she named the monk. An angry mob marched up the hill and stormed the monk’s hut.

“You are a disgrace to Buddhism!” they shouted. “All these years we’ve given you alms and now you impregnate one of our women! You should be ashamed! How dare you call yourself a holy man!”

“Is that so?” the monk said, and returned to his meditation.

Time passed, and the child was born. The young woman’s father again marched up the hill and handed the baby to the monk. “Here. You take care of your bastard child. You caused this problem, you live with the consequences.”

“Is that so?” The monk said. He accepted the child and returned to his meditation.

After a few weeks the young woman was overcome with remorse for falsely fingering the monk. She told her father that the monk was not her lover after all, that her true lover had left, and she wanted to raise the child on her own. Again her father marched up the hill, this time with townspeople in tow.

“Please forgive our mistake. We are so sorry. What a truly holy man you are for tolerating our cruel words and caring for this child. We will relieve you now of this burden. The Buddha himself is singing your praises in the higher worlds, all the higher beings are smiling down upon you, no greater monk has ever lived.”

“Is that so?” The monk said, and return to his meditation.

Whether people are praising you or trashing you, neither changes your intrinsic value. Don’t be easily swayed. It reminds me of a statement Henry Ford II once famously said, "Never complain. Never explain." It's good advice. (Although, he probably meant it more as a corollary to the Fifth Amendment than good advice for leaders.)

Complaining is the outward expression of inner frustration. A complaint acknowledges that something is not as we think it should be. (And that may or may not be true. Quite often we lack all of the pertinent information.) The problem is that we often begin to complain as if that will lead to a solution. It rarely does. Complaining is outward focused and is a form of blaming. The issue is internal. If you can fix the problem, then you should quietly fix it. If you can’t, you should change your perspective on it and move on.

Complainers generally have a lot to complain about because they are in fact, complainers. Complaining, explaining and excuse-making extend the time you are embroiled in the issue. It amplifies frustration—your own and others—spreads discontent and discord and generally makes you unpleasant. Jane Austin observed that "those who do not complain are never pitied." Pity however, is not the goal of a well-adjusted person let alone a leader. Of more value is novelist Cesare Pavese comment that "one stops being a child when one realizes that telling one's troubles does not make things better." Recognize your part, take responsibility and move on.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 10:47 AM
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Lord Sharman on Helping People Grow

Leading By Example is a concise little book of interviews with top leaders from various fields. Each interview in this new Harvard Business School series is followed by a list of takeaways. Here is an excerpt by Lord Sharman, chairman of the Aegis Group, on investing in people by understanding their strengths and nurturing them like a gardener with prized plants.

I’m very fond of gardening myself, and I’m fond of gardening examples. To some degree, developing people in an organization is impossible. You can’t develop them; they develop themselves, and so your job is like that of a head gardener. You figure out what the various microclimates are around the place, and then you figure out the qualities of the plants that you need to go into those microclimates. Similarly, you select the people based on their strengths and place them in those jobs. I’ve seen notes of appraisal interviews, which say that two-thirds of the interview is spent talking about what the guy’s not good at. Now, that’s great—I can’t imagine anybody coming out of an interview like that feeling anything other than very depressed.

What you want to do is spend time talking about what the person is good at and how he’s going to develop that. Sure, see whether you can do something about the weaknesses, but to my way of thinking, appraisal interviews should be two-thirds about what the person is good at and how those great assets can be used within the organization. If you look at good coaches in the sports field—and I’ve always been fascinated about how good coaches work—they don’t actually coach technique very often. The really good coaches are the ones that coach the mind and the attitude.

You’ll always have people that find it much easier to be critical than to be encouraging. The tome at the top has to be right. If you start criticizing your colleagues about what they’re bad at all the time rather than encouraging them, that’s sure as hell going to get down through the organization very quickly.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 09:15 PM
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Make it Great!

Phil Gerbyshak truly is a relationship geek. That is to say, he is someone who is passionate about creating and building relationships. And he does. From my own experience with him, he does practice what he preaches. He has produced a short little book titled, 10 Ways to Make it Great!. He has included 10+ lessons he has learned in his choice to make a life that is great. It is a choice we all have. Phil writes:

Make It Great! means it's my choice, which means it's your choice too. Whether you actually have a good day is not the important thing; what's important is how you choose to deal with the things that each day brings. Each encounter presents you with an opportunity to either let it pass by, or tackle it head on and truly Make It Great!

Phil makes an important point. It's relatively easy to have a great day when things are going your way. The discipline comes in when things aren’t going our way. It’s easy to use circumstances as an excuse as to why you couldn’t do what you know is right—“Don’t make me mad!” “I would have but they ….” The ball is always in your court. You can find Phil over at Make It Great!

Posted by Michael McKinney at 07:06 AM
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Taking It Personally

“Foolish is the person that takes offense when none was intended. More foolish is the person that takes offense when it was intended.”

The above statement rings true, because either way we lose. In egonomics, David Marcum and Steven Smith describe the difficulties that arise when we get our identity confused with the topic being debated—when we take things personally. When we get into a vigorous debate, it’s quite common to find that we respond to a perceived attack with behavior that indicates our ego is in trouble.

When we respond to a statement or question by comparing ourselves, seeking acceptance, showcasing or getting defensive, it often means that we think our identity is under attack. In other words, we forget about the debate of ideas and respond as though who we are is being threatened and we take it personally. It’s not unusual that we have a tough time separating our ideas from our identity? Trial attorney Gerry Spence explains, “We all have a personal image that he must protect. For example, I do not want to be seen by others, and particularly my myself, as weak, as ill advised, as less than worthy, as stupid, as someone who cannot be respected. I will do whatever is necessary to preserve my personal image of myself. The more fragile my self image, the harder I will struggle to preserve it.”

Marcum and Smith explain it this way: “If we can’t distinguish who we are from what we do, what we have, or who we do it with, we won’t see past our titles or tenure in a discussion. If we say to ourselves or others, ‘I’m the Vice President,’ ‘I’m the CEO,’ ‘I’m the Director of Public Relations,’ or even ‘I’m the creative one’ or ‘I’m the advocate for diversity here,’ then we’re parading our identity, and take it personally.”

In egonomics, Marcum and Smith examine an exchange between Fred Rogers and Senator John Pastore at a Congressional hearing to effectively explain this point. It clearly showcases the benefits of maintaining a separation between identity and ideas and keeping your ego in check with humility. They explain, “In the intensity of debate, humility is like a two-way surge protector; it keeps us from making it personal or taking it personally.”

Of course, the trick is to avoid this negative response cycle in the first place. The authors borrowed an idea from Carl Rogers to give form to an essential attitude to take when faced with a vigorous debate (or when dealing with people in general). The idea is to treat people with unconditional positive regard. That is to say that “everyone is worthy of respect and capable of contribution, even when they don’t particularly act that way or even feel that way about themselves.” We want to assure others that we aren’t trying to change who they are, but we are interested in presenting another viewpoint.

If you find yourself in a situation where things have gotten beyond productive, then the author’s suggest using one of the following opening statements before we begin asking questions:

“You might be right…”
“Even though that’s hard to hear, I’m glad you’re saying something…”
“Okay. Let’s talk that one through.”
“Say a little more about that.”

It doesn’t signal agreement, it expresses a mind open to understanding. Debate needs to follow understanding or people often begin to defend themselves and not their ideas.

Finally, in the spirit of vigorous debate and deepened understanding, humility prompts us to ask, “Who cares if I’m right at this instant if we get it right eventually?” If we’re devoted to progress, it doesn’t matter who has the answer, but that the answers are found.

In the balance of the book, Marcum and Smith show that shifting conversations from statements and judgments to exploration requires not just humility, but the relentless application of two more principles—curiosity and veracity. They maintain a good blog that is worth checking out also.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 12:33 AM
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My Life Feels Like a Three-Ring Circus

Here’s a book for organizations and individuals that struggle with “getting it all done.” That is to say, nearly all of us. Authors Jones Loflin and Todd Musig have put together a memorable and fast-paced story in Juggling Elephants. By bringing out principles designed to help you juggle the acts in your life, and demonstrating through examples, practical tools being applied in the life of the main character, Mark, this book delivers. Here are several of the principles in brief:

The result of trying to juggle elephants is that no one, including you, is thrilled with your performance.

The ringmaster cannot be in all three rings at once. “I have to give my full attention to the ring I am in an, when it’s time, I must move to the other ring as quickly as possible” said the ringmaster.

The key to the success of the circus is having quality acts in all three rings. What ring should you be focusing in on right now—work, relationships or self?

There is no shortage of acts for the circus. Every act must serve a purpose. “Choosing acts based on your purpose works best when it becomes a habit. It’s easy to make a wrong choice based solely on emotion, laziness, convenience, or pressure from others who don’t have a good understanding of your purpose. No matter who we are, we can’t do it all. That is why it is essential that every act must serve a purpose.” Tip: Leave room for interruptions.

The relationship between the ringmaster and the performers affects the quality of the circus. People have needs that extend way beyond the obvious ones. “An effective animal trainer recognizes that discipline is a small part of the training process. Getting to know the animal is much more important. Once he understands the animal, he can work with the animal’s personality instead of always trying to force the desired behavior. It’s the same with people. Once you get to know an individual, you can better understand how to fully engage their energies to accomplish a specific goal of task.”

Intermission is an essential part of creating a better circus performance. “Intermission is a time for the audience to mentally relax, physically stretch, and be better prepared for the second half.” We all need to regroup, renew and prepare.

Your circus is only as good as your next performance. Get feedback and actively pursue learning experiences. Take the time to get your act together.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 08:47 AM
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Four Warning Signs That Our Ego is Getting the Best Of Us

A managed ego is an important trait of the effective person. Authors David Marcum and Steven Smith state in their compelling book egonomics: What Makes Ego Our Greatest Asset (or Most Expensive Liability), that “surprising as it may sound, many people don’t have enough ego, and that leads to insecurity and apathy that paralyze cultures and leaders.” This is an important addition to our thinking about ego and worth examining in more depth. It does sound odd as no doubt, most of us have been told that ego is a bad thing. But an unbalanced ego—either overconfident or lacking in confidence—can trap people in bad thinking resulting in poor or damaging interactions with others.

egonomics offers four warning signs that our ego is getting the best of us:

1. Being Comparative “When we’re comparative, we tend to either pit our strengths against another’s weaknesses, which may lead us to an exaggerated sense of confidence, or we compare our weaknesses to their strengths, which can cause negative self pressure.
2. Being Defensive “When we can’t ‘lose,’ we defend our positions as if we’re defending who we are, and the debate shifts from a we-centered battle of ideas to a me-centered war of wills.”
3. Showcasing Brilliance “The more we want or expect people to recognize, appreciate or be dazzled by how smart we are, the less they listen, even if we do have better ideas.”
4. Seeking Acceptance “When we equate acceptance or rejection of our ideas with acceptance or rejection of who we are, we ‘play it safe.’ We tend to swim with the current and find a slightly different way of saying what’s already been said as long as acceptance is the outcome. That nor only makes us a bland follower, but an uninspiring leader.”

I believe that these four warning signs crop up in our lives and in the lives of those around us, due more to a lack of a proper ego than an oversized ego. More often than not, a person that appears egotistical is covering for insecurities than they are expressing a genuine belief in their superiority.

Humility isn’t the opposite of ego, but it plays a vital role in keeping it in balance. Marcum and Smith created the following diagram to help us to understand the equilibrium concept of humility.

The diagram graphically illustrates the two poles of ego and the grounding effect that humility plays to pull us back into a proper perspective. The authors define humility as the “intelligent self respect which keeps us from thinking too highly or too little of ourselves. It reminds us how far we have come while at the same time helping us see how far short we are of what we can be.”

Ego doesn’t suddenly pull us to the extremes and twist us overnight into egomaniacs, or lead us to believe we’re above the law. But once we’re in the habit of being off-center, we do slowly start to believe we’re above other things: reproach, being wrong, being questioned, the need to prove we’re right, having a bad idea, following the lead of others, and so on. Being consistently off-center leads us gradually toward the extremes.

When we lose control of ego, we lose “trust, respect, relationships, influence, talent, careers, clients, and market share. Each of us has occasionally, perhaps unknowingly, let ego weaken our talents despite our qualifications, expertise, charisma, track record, or remarkable ability.”

This is an important book that will be helpful to anyone trying to get a handle on their ego and understand it manifestations in themselves and others. egonomics is a book that every leader should read and one that we will return to again on this blog.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 12:32 AM
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Be Not a Scholar Confused By Your Own Learning

As one studies leadership, I am reminded of Louis Nizer’s words to be “a scholar who is not confused by his own learning.” It’s easy to get caught up in some of the theory, jargon and formulas and find the whole thing inaccessible but to the best minds. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that the books, training, and mentoring are essential to opening our minds to think in new ways. But ultimately, leadership development begins with self-knowledge and the development of a disciplined mind and character. It is specific to our varied own backgrounds and situations. There are hundreds of great tools to help you get there, but he only one that can begin the journey, is you.

The late great diplomat, Abba Eban once wrote, “An ‘expert’ is a man who understands everything—but nothing else. He sometimes becomes immune to the intangible but powerful human impulses that lie beneath the surface of his discipline.” Yet, it is in the “intangible but powerful human impulses that lie beneath the surface” where you will find leadership. Fortunately, that is accessible to everyone who makes the effort.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 11:07 AM
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You Can Change

When we take personality tests we need to understand that they are snapshots not indictments. They are a point to grow from. It’s easy to confuse behavior and personality. Personality is reflected in behavior. But, behavior can be changed. One may be especially competitive. However, one need not be boorish or rude.

In a recent TeleForum presented by LeadingNews, Marshall Goldsmith, author of What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, stated that personality testing can lead to stereotyping. To say my personality type is this and is unchangeable is wrong thinking. Executive coaches that believe that people can change are much more effective than executive coaches that do not believe people can change. This may seem like a “Duh!” moment, but it is surprising how many people talk about personality testing as though people cannot change. If you don’t believe people can change, coaching is the wrong business for you to be in.

Goldsmith commented on a common misconception surrounding the new emphasis we now see being placed in the build-on-your-strengths movement. The idea of building on your strengths is an effective life strategy but not an excuse. He stated:

The build-on-your-strengths idea makes total sense when it’s at the level of the occupation. For example, Tiger Woods should be a golfer, not a stand-up comedian. He’s building on his strengths becoming a golfer and he shouldn’t be a stand-up comedian. On the other hand, I think what happens on the build-on-your-strengths stuff, is people misinterpret it. So they would say, “Well, Tiger Woods is a great driver, so he doesn’t have to worry about putting. He can ignore his putting.” He really cannot ignore his putting. It’s part of his job. If you’re a leader and you’re great at strategy but terrible with people, you can’t just sit there; if your CEO, and say, “It doesn’t matter.” It does matter. It all matters. You can’t sit there an ignore part of your job and say “I’m not good at that therefore I have an excuse to ignore it.” All that does is reinforce a useless stereotype.

While most advocates of build-on-your-strengths do not encourage that, Goldsmith is right. The idea is often misinterpreted. We must build on our strengths and minimize activities that call upon our weaknesses, but our weaknesses have to be dealt with. And that requires some behavior modification. Too often it can be taken an excuse to do-your-own-thing and not a position to grow and learn from. We can’t let ourselves fall into the trap of saying, “That’s just the way I am” because it’s hard to change. It may be the way you are, but you can be better. You can grow if you decide to. As a leader you have an obligation to.

Mark Sanborn said in a recent interview that he thinks most of us “sell ourselves short in terms of the impact that we can have in the world or in the marketplace, or in our homes and communities. We all have the opportunity, and maybe to a degree, an obligation, to take whatever talents we've been given and develop them to the fullest, so that we can more positively benefit and contribute to others.”

Posted by Michael McKinney at 09:20 AM
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Max DePree on the Good Work of Leadership

Max DePree reminds us in Leadership Jazz that developing one’s leadership just in terms of corporate or institutional needs is not enough. Leaders need to be developing the whole person; polishing all of their gifts. He writes, “Leaders deal in substance and the quality of life, deaf to the calls to pursue quantity and appearances.”

Polishing our gifts isn’t something we should try to do on our own. Nor is it just about us. It’s also about the people around us.

The process first requires that we have an accurate view of ourselves to know who we are and what we believe in. One question DePree asks himself is “What do my family and I need to cultivate to reach our potential?” It becomes a process of broadening and deepening ourselves and through us, those close to us. “Good leadership includes teaching and learning, building relationships and influencing people, as opposed to exercising one’s power.” He suggests the following activities:

• Make a parallel track for responsible work in your life
• Practice leadership without power — serving on a school board or coaching tee-ball
• Learn your language and use it with respect
• Learn to communicate in public
• Participate regularly in an intellectual pursuit
• Learn who and what gives you health
• Begin to ponder seriously ideas for a second—or third—career
• Ask yourself frequently, “What truly gives meaning to my life?”

He writes, “A rising level of din threatens to drown out the voices urging us to do the good work of leadership, part of which is polishing gifts. This din takes the form of distractions, addictions, and institutional politics. . . . By moving personally and organizationally toward restraint and simplicity, we give ourselves a chance. It really comes down to setting priorities, as banal as that phrase has become.”

Posted by Michael McKinney at 08:55 AM
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Fast versus Busy in the Age of Speed

Speed aficionado Vince Poscente says we are looking at speed from the wrong perspective. While living in a more-faster-now culture can be a little daunting, it also has the power to enrich our lives by making room for more significant things. In The Age of Speed he writes, “When we harness the power of speed, we not only get more and get it faster, but our lives and work become less stressful, less busy, and more balanced.” Crazy idea you say?

We like speed when we’re demanding it. We are not so fond of it when it is being demanded of us. You can’t have it both ways. If we want speed, we also have to deliver it. Poscente says though, that it doesn’t necessarily mean that we have to be buried under more work, more responsibilities and more demands.

We actually can do more in a given time than we could even five years ago. Therefore, the expectations we face to produce faster are often valid. But we don’t have to work harder or work longer hours to accomplish more.

“So,” Poscente asks, “why do people become irritated and rail against the expectation to speed up?” Here’s the key:

Perhaps it’s because we don’t often use the extra time for more rewarding experiences. Frequently, when we reduce the time it takes to do something insignificant, we end up using the saved time on yet another insignificant activity. If you figure out a way to save time at the bank and the grocery store, for example, do you earmark that time for something more rewarding, or do you just fill that time passively with other responsibilities that pop up? The latter scenario would leave anyone feeling exhausted, burnt out.

I think we have all been guilty of that. He explains:

Speed is a great solution for increasing income and productivity, but those benefits are only one piece of the picture. The bigger reason we should speed up is to make time for meaningful experiences. Speed is not just the way to get more work done—speed is the secret to having time to do what we want.

Poscente say we can speed up and still have the time to smell the roses. We need to know when speed will and will not benefit us. Are there ways you can approach what you do in a different way that would allow you to spend more time with your priorities, strengths, talents, and passions?

Posted by Michael McKinney at 10:46 AM
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The Power of Thinking Twice

Human freedom involves our capacity to pause, to choose the one response toward which we wish to throw our weight.

—Rollo May

Les Parrott claims that “three seconds separate those who ‘give it their all’ from those who ‘don’t give it a thought’ — literally. Three seconds. This brief buffer is all that stands between those who settle for ‘whatever’ and those who settle for nothing less than ‘whatever it takes.’”

In his book, 3 Seconds: The Power of Thinking Twice, he presents six impulses that never pay off. The impulse to …

Give up before trying . . . because we feel helpless.
Shun a challenge . . . because it seems daunting.
Settle for the status quo . . . because we lack vision.
Shirk responsibility . . . because it’s easier to shift blame.
Do the mere minimum . . . because that’s all that’s expected.
Avoid taking action . . . because we fear failure.

If we routinely don’t give any one of these a second thought, they can lead us to lives of mediocrity. From Parrott’s perspective, it comes down to taking a moment to leverage the three seconds it takes to decide whether to behave in a manner consistent with what you really want or to give in to one of these self-sabotaging impulses.

Fundamental to all of this is taking personal responsibility. “And many times, you have to shoulder the blame, not because you personally did anything wrong, but on behalf of the company. The best way to do this us to focus not on who’s wrong, but on what’s wrong.”

Taking ownership for something often involves an apology. But a simple “I’m sorry” will sound hollow unless you’ve taken the three elements of an apology into account. First, you’ve got to understand what’s wrong. Get what’s wrong right. Second, you then have to admit to it. “Don’t make anyone drag an admission of what’s wrong out of you.” Finally, you need to rectify the situation. You need to do something to try to make the situation better. I would add that not all wrongs can be righted. Nor should we expect them to be. It is a very inward-directed individual that always demands their pound-of-flesh.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 09:08 AM
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It's Not About Me?!?

In The Ring in the Rubble, Gary Brandt brings up something that can hold us back from defining our problem, immobilize us, and block us from finding solutions. It’s an attitude that is easy to slip into and the last thing we want mentioned when we are in trouble. But if we can deal with it now, we can have a better chance of avoiding it when we are in trouble. He writes:

We tend to think that what we see is reality, and to forget that there is a much bigger world out there that, if we considered it, would put our situation into perspective. When we forget this, we tend to take our own perspective a little too seriously, and in the process, we take ourselves too seriously as well.

Brandt suggests that a well-developed sense of humor makes a good antidote.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 08:25 AM
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