Don’t Be Yourself

THE groundwork for the modern cult of authenticity was laid in our era by philosophers like Rousseau and others of his mindset who followed him. Their idea that any constraints laid on us or attempts to conform us by society make us inauthentic. But the fact is, we find out who we are in relation to other people and the communities in which we interact. Our uninhibited self is rarely our best self.

In Don’t Be Yourself: Why Authenticity Is Overrated (and What to Do Instead) published by Harvard Business Review Press, author Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic asks, “What if chasing authenticity was an actual trap—one that oversimplifies human complexity, disregards the necessity of compromise, and leaves us ill-equipped to navigate the nuanced realities of modern life, which include focusing not just on ourselves and how we feel, but also on others?”`

Our uninhibited, authentic self can hold us back from the potential we have.

Contrary to what the authenticity cult predicates, success is rarely attained through radical honesty or by always showing every single side of ourselves. Instead, it’s a function of carefully managing your self-presentation—adapting to situations and showcasing the qualities that are best appreciated by others—while making an effort to conceal negative, undesirable, and irrelevant aspects of your personality.

Chamorro-Premuzic presents us with four authenticity traps that encourage us to be our unfiltered selves regardless of the situation and refuse to compromise.

The Four Authenticity Traps

1. Always Be Honest with Yourself and Others
   
   Truth at all costs is not always preferable. There are “many practical advantages of not telling others what you think or feel all the time, and to prioritizing their thoughts and feelings (rather than yours) when you interact with them.”
   
   
2. Follow Your Heart and Be True to Your Values
   
   Our society often prioritizes our feelings and emotions over logic and common sense. It is important to remember that our “intuitions are feelings about facts, rather than actual facts.”
   
   
3. Stop Worrying About What Others Think of You
   
   Others’ opinions of us should not rule our lives, but there is value in good feedback. “Feedback from others is not a curse, but the essential ingredient for self-awareness, not to mention critical for our growth and self-improvement, particularly when it highlights an uncomfortable gap between the person we want to be and how others see us. It is only by paying attention to others that we can get a sense of what others think of us, which is critical information if we want to avoid an unrealistic sense of self or utter delusion.”
   
   
4. Bring Our Whole Self to Work
   
   It is difficult not to bring your whole self to work, but as a career move, it may not be wise. There are parts of your life that would best be kept private. “While organizations may encourage us to behave at work in ways that are congruent with these non-professional roles. We are not evaluated, rewarded, hired, or promoted for bringing our whole selves to work. If we were, then we would rightly expect our personal and extraprofessional activities to compensate for our poor work performance.”
   
   

Instead…

You will be more successful if you keep these thoughts in mind:

• Edit yourself in order to please rather than upset others, which includes the ability to be strategically untruthful with others in the interest of getting along and eliciting long-term trust.
• Try to see things from the perspective of others, especially when they don’t adhere to your values.
• Learn to accept or at minimum tolerate other people’s values, at least entertain the possibility that your values may actually be wrong.
• Keep a watchful eye on what others think of you.
• Sculpt or mold your work self so that it shows up as a sanitized, professional, and bright-side version of you, as often as possible.

The common thread here is humility and an other-focus. As leaders, the more you focus on yourself, the less you will care about the needs of those you lead. Your leadership becomes narcissistic.

Focusing on being nice, ethical, and competent, and being perceived as trustworthy by others, especially followers, leaders often view authenticity as an end goal, as if it was a critical enabler of their success. However, focusing too much on authenticity—in this case, adhering too closely to the “just be yourself” mantra—will foster a narcissistic mindset that is not conducive to leadership effectiveness. Instead, leaders would be better off if they focused on being other-oriented, so as to understand how other people think and feel in order to enable them to work together.

The question is, how can we best display our character and humanity in a way that is most beneficial to our goals and objectives?

By shifting our perspective, beyond the assumption that others value our unfiltered or genuine self per se, we can unlock more effective strategies for navigating the complexities and cultural nuances of work and life. This approach, while less self-serving, comforting, or self-obsessed, empowers us to be more intentional about how we present ourselves, communicate, and connect with others. It allows us to balance sincerity with adaptability, personal values with professional demands, and emotional truth with strategic thinking. In doing so, we can become more effective, better performers who rise to challenges with an awareness of our limitations, better leaders who inspire trust and collaboration, and better coworkers who contribute meaningfully to shared goals.

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Posted by Michael McKinney at 08:22 AM
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Leading Thoughts for November 6, 2025

IDEAS shared have the power to expand perspectives, change thinking, and move lives. Here are two ideas for the curious mind to engage with:

I.

Nick Huber on responsibility:

“This might hurt. This is likely hard to swallow.

It isn’t anyone else’s fault. Your life today is a direct result of your own decisions and actions.

Successful people understand this and take ownership in every situation. If you cultivate resilience, you have a significant competitive advantage over most people. If you are willing to do hard things, your tolerance for discomfort will become a superpower. If you swim against the current and try something new that might lead to a different result from the majority of people, you learn to adapt to difficult conditions without constantly looking for someone or something to blame.

You, and only you, are responsible for your life, your business, and your future.

Not a politician. Not your parents. Not the economy. Not the world around you. You. If you can accept that fact, embrace it even, no one person or situation can shake you.”

Source: The Sweaty Startup: How to Get Rich Doing Boring Things

II.

Adam Grant on discomfort:

“Becoming a creature of discomfort can unlock hidden potential in many different types of learning. Summoning the nerve to face discomfort is a character skill—an especially important form of determination. It takes three kinds of courage: to abandon your tried-and-true methods, to put yourself in the ring before you feel ready, and to make more mistakes than others make attempts. The best way to accelerate growth is to embrace, seek, and amplify discomfort.”

Source: Hidden Potential: The Science of Achieving Greater Things

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Posted by Michael McKinney at 02:27 PM
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To Achieve the Extraordinary, Focus on the Game Changers

IN a world of constant change, leaders face relentless pressure to deliver results. Yet the greatest leaders know that true success is not measured only by outcomes, but also by their ability to create conditions for others to thrive and achieve the extraordinary.

Of course, everyone in your organization plays an important role. But there are the very select few who show a truly exceptional talent. They are the ones who have the potential to achieve extraordinary things, who push the whole team further, under the most pressing conditions. They are the ones who are not just satisfied with the status quo on a high level. They are going the furthest, taking the risks that pay off, delivering outstanding performance as a baseline, creating innovative solutions, and inspiring others to level up. It’s these special individuals that make you think: If they quit, we’ve got a real problem!

I call these individuals Game Changers. In my experience, you’ll find only a very small percentage among your people. They don’t just exceed predetermined targets or goals. They have the potential to deliver consistently exceptional, game-changing performance. However, to reach that level, they need to be recognized, understood, and most of all, led to fully develop. I describe the relationship between a leader and the Game-Changer as a Winning Match.

Here are three essential strategies for leaders when building a Winning Match with Game Changers:

1. Recognize and scout for the qualities that add up to game-changer potential.
   Drawing on more than two decades of experience coaching top-tier executives and world-class athletes, I have identified four essential characteristics that define individuals with game-changer potential:
• Passion: They are deeply invested in their work — driven by purpose and a relentless hunger to learn, grow, and achieve excellence by continually pushing beyond limits.
• Desire for Feedback and Input: They actively seek honest, high-quality feedback and diverse perspectives. They listen with openness, filter insights carefully, and distinguish genuine guidance and useful insights from noise or hidden agendas.
• Ability to Transform Input into Action: They embrace change as opportunity for the better. They act quickly on new insights, prepare proactively for changes, and respond with action – decisively, without hesitation.
• Mental Toughness: They thrive and deliver their best performance under pressure, sustaining resilience and focus through disciplined habits, intentional recovery, and supportive relationships.
2. Expand your leadership focus: Make your best people even better.
   Recognizing what sets Game Changers apart is only the first step. I’ve seen too many leaders make the mistake of buying into a leadership fallacy that holds entire organizations back: “the best will prevail no matter what.”
   
   In reality, many leaders devote most of their time and energy to helping lower achievers meet objectives, while their best people are left to fend for themselves. For Game Changers — the ones that are deeply passionate about their work, and committed the success of the business — being overlooked or taken for granted, or left without specific powerful leadership interactions, can be deeply discouraging. Without intentional and empowering leadership, they may lose motivation, disengage, or even leave.
   
   What they need is a trusted partner — a Leadership Champion – who recognizes their potential, challenges them to stretch further, and supports them in achieving sustained, exceptional performance.
3. Commit to being more than a leader. Aspire to be a Leadership Champion.
   To truly tap into the potential of your Game Changers, you must go beyond the traditional management approaches — such as progress reports, routine cadenced reviews, and biannual goal-setting meetings — because it simply can’t do justice to the extraordinary potential of Game Changers. They need — and deserve — more. You must unlock potential.
   
   Becoming a Leadership Champion requires a conscious shift in mindset and behavior. Here are three essential shifts that define this leadership transformation:
• Partner with your Game Changers: In traditional models, Game Changers are often expected to conform to organizational processes and standards before their true potential can emerge. Instead, once you’ve identified individuals with game-changer potential, step into the role of a leadership sparring partner – someone who guides them beyond traditional norms. Much like a great coach in sports, a Leadership Champion does not just follow a set program; they’re bold enough to inspire and adapt to what best fits the individual strengths and specific needs of their Game Changers.
• Start sparring: The objective of sparring is not to primarily support the other person in finding their solution to fix a situation. It’s far more about having an open, productive, and, if necessary, controversial debates to create long-term impact. As the leader, you’re the primary sparring partner, bringing your experience, insight, and perspective to the table. Offer your wealth of experience and expertise, and commit to being personally involved in co-creating the decisions that drive extraordinary outcomes.
• Make time for breakthrough discussions and plan for Winning Match moments: Strategically planned Winning Match moments are your dedicated opportunities to connect with your Game Changers. These sessions — ideally every four to six weeks, or more often if urgency demands — should be protected and prioritized. Use this time to deeply explore key strategic topics, address high-impact challenges and activities, and spark new ideas. Together, you’ll focus on the areas where your Game Changers can make their greatest contribution, amplifying the exceptional value they already bring to the organization.

When you establish these regular leadership sparring sessions - where you share your knowledge, offer guidance, and open your network, Game Changers begin to see more than a leader. They see your genuine commitment to the overall success, your belief in their role within the organization, and your investment in bringing out the best in them. They recognize your clear ambition to help them reach their full potential.

And then, something remarkable happens: a certain magic emerges in these conversations. That dynamic of trust, challenge, and inspiration becomes the foundation for a true Winning Match.

All in all, a Winning Match represents the ideal combination between a driven individual with game-changer potential and their leader, who acts as their Leadership Champion – engaging in regular, challenging, honest, and deeply supportive interactions. This partnership becomes the cornerstone for creating extraordinary results through your Game Changers.

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Dr. Christian Marcolli is a global thought leader and expert on sustainable high performance who coaches executives, business leaders, market-leading brands and elite athletes to achieve outstanding results. His firm, Marcolli Executive Excellence, focuses on fostering leadership excellence, driving team effectiveness and creating organizational health. He’s an in-demand speaker, award-winning author, University of Zurich-trained psychologist, and former pro soccer player. His latest book is WINNING MATCH: Leadership for Game Changers—Together Toward the Extraordinary. Learn more at www.marcolli.com.

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Posted by Michael McKinney at 05:02 PM
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First Look: Leadership Books for November 2025

HERE'S A LOOK at some of the best leadership books to be released in November 2025 curated just for you. Be sure to check out the other great titles being offered this month.

De-Positioning: The Secret Brand Strategy for Creating Competitive Advantage by Todd Irwin

What is the brand strategy Apple, Starbucks, and other market leaders have mastered for decades, yet never name? It’s not differentiation. It’s not purpose. It’s something far more powerful, and in today’s hyper-competitive business world, it’s the only strategy that consistently wins. It’s called De-Positioning, a method that turns your competitor’s strengths into liabilities while positioning your brand as the only solution your customer truly trusts. De-Positioning works by identifying the most critical problem your customer needs solved, exposing how your competitors fail to solve it, and making your brand the clear, inevitable choice. When applied with discipline, it renders competitors irrelevant.

Next Play: How to Focus on What Matters Most and Improve Performance, Productivity, and Fulfillment by Alan Stein Jr.

What’s your Next Play? An elite performance coach reveals the life-changing two-word philosophy for simplifying success. It’s easy to become convinced that the secret to a great career, a high-performing team, or a fulfilled life must be hidden in a complex formula or framework. The truth about success is that it isn’t complicated. We just tend to make it that way. This book contains 34 powerfully simple strategies and 35 practical exercises designed to show how reaching the top of your game doesn’t require more. It requires less but better.

Culture Design: How to Build a High-Performing, Resilient Organization with Purpose by James D. White and Krista White

Strong cultures don't emerge by accident. They're built—with clarity, consistency, and design. This is your guide. Today's leaders are navigating a storm of competing demands: rising economic and social pressures, rapid technological disruption, and a workforce that expects greater purpose and accountability than ever before. In this unpredictable climate, a weak culture erodes trust, loyalty, and performance. A strong one, by contrast, makes the difference between clarity and confusion, resilience and fragility. It's time to get intentional about your company's culture.

Success Is a Numbers Game: Achieve Bigger Goals by Changing the Odds by Kyle Austin Young

Stop being someone who could succeed and become someone who predictably should succeed by using a revolutionary “probability hacking” framework to increase your odds of success. Every goal that you’re pursuing has two hidden numbers attached to it—a probability of success and a probability of failure. Whether you’re trying to start a business, run a marathon, get a promotion, earn a pilot’s license, grow a bumper crop of tomatoes, or sign an acting deal, these two percentages are always lurking in the shadows predicting what is going to happen. But most of us never think about them. We assume our odds are unknowable and unchangeable. This dangerous lie leads millions of people to fail at goals where they were perfectly capable of succeeding. You can choose a smarter path.

Quick Leadership: Build Trust, Navigate Change, and Cultivate Unstoppable Teams by Selena Rezvani

Quick Leadership by Selena Rezvani equips you with modern, people-first strategies for leading in today's fast-moving, fast-changing workplaces. Forget outdated, top-down management―this book is packed with real-world tips that help you build trust, boost performance, and bring out the best in your team (without burning yourself out). Selena Rezvani, a renowned leadership expert and coach, guides readers through simple, doable strategies that boost trust, inclusivity, and innovation - critical elements in a time when employees are demanding more purpose, autonomy, and respect in their work. In Quick Leadership, Rezvani offers a wealth of insights on how to cultivate a thriving work culture.

For bulk orders call 1-626-441-2024

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“You can't think well without writing well, and you can't write well without reading well. And I mean that last "well" in both senses. You have to be good at reading, and read good things.”

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Posted by Michael McKinney at 08:35 AM
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LeadershipNow 140: October 2025 Compilation

Here is a selection of Posts from October 2025 that you will want to check out:

• Why are difficult conversations still so… well, difficult? (And what to do about it) by @suzimcalpine
• The Power of the Ask by @KevinPaulScott
• Design for Different by @KevinPaulScott
• The Real Secret to Powerful Public Speaking by @DrNickMorgan
• 14 Thoughts about Building a Great Culture by @JonGordon11
• Video (2:50): Moral Failure by @samchand
• The Crowding-Out Effect via Chasing Excellence The crowding-out principle can change how you think about building the life you want
• Serve To Lead Podcast: @jamesstrock interviews Philip K Howard Saving Can-Do: How to Revive the Spirit of America Lawyers Were Central to USA Founding--Can They Help Guide System Update?
• Think Like The Person You're "Speaking" To by @HBergeronCFNE Your message is only as good as your ability to think like the person you’re “speaking” to
• 9 Simple but Effective Strategies to Get Through a Bad Day by @cnieuwhof
• Meet People Where They Are Without Lowering the Standard via @TheDaily_Coach
• Depth Is the New Luxury by Giuseppe Fioretti In the end, what endures isn’t how much we’ve made, but how deeply it connects
• A Meretricious Meritocracy 4 of 5 by @jamesstrock Corruption of the Professions
• A Meretricious Meritocracy 5 of 5 by @jamesstrock Reserve Army of the Over-Credentialed
• 5 Signs It Is Time To Leave Your Organization by @JosephLalonde
• Are You Rewarding Performance Theater Over Real Performance? via @AdmiredLeaders
• How Anxiety Traps People And How You Can Break Free by @LaRaeQuy
• If You Get the Chance by Ted Lamade @collabfund
• Leaders, It’s Time to Stop Being Cozy by @SanjayKhoslaFBB via @KelloggSchool
• Redefining leadership: The soul-centered approach of executive coach, Mirko Chardin by @jonstojan via @digitaljournal
• How to Deal with Energy Vampires by @JonGordon11
• Will Mideast Progress Break Legacy Party Monomania on Trump? by @jamesstrock

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Posted by Michael McKinney at 08:33 AM
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Leading Thoughts for October 30, 2025

IDEAS shared have the power to expand perspectives, change thinking, and move lives. Here are two ideas for the curious mind to engage with:

I.

Robert A. Heinlein on the importance of knowing your history:

“A generation which ignores history has no past —and no future.”

Source: Time Enough for Love

II.

Rasmus Hougaard and Jacqueline Carter on AI objectivity:

“We all like to think we’re wise. And in our own ways, we are. But we’re also all quite limited. A powerful way for leaders to leverage the potential of AI systems is to use it to challenge what they think they know and who they think they are. In leadership, it’s incredibly beneficial to people who are willing to tell you when you’re making a big mistake. But as we rise through the ranks of leadership, it can be more and more difficult to surround ourselves with people who are comfortable challenging us. This reluctance among peers or subordinates is due to positional power and natural human biases regarding social hierarchies.

“The great thing about your AI-based leadership partner is that it doesn’t care about hierarchy, it doesn’t have an agenda, it doesn’t know about organizational politics, and it isn’t vying for your position. If designed properly, AI systems can provide insight and advice that human peers may not see or may not be willing to say. In this way, AI systems can help a leader shed light on faulty thinking. This objective outlook creates potential for leaders to be more attuned to challenges and potentially more open-minded.”

Source: More Human: How the Power of AI Can Transform the Way You Lead

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Posted by Michael McKinney at 09:59 AM
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How to Thrive Under Fear-Based Leaders

In our fast-changing world, fear-based leaders rise quickly—tightening their grip as chaos grows. But what if you could learn to predict their behavior, neutralize their impact, and protect what matters most?

A new style of leader is in town, and it’s a blast from the past.

Across tech, business, and the social sector, fear-based leadership is suddenly all the rage.

This type of leadership started thousands of years ago, when some of the first humans to experience power dynamics decided to abuse it. It’s a “might makes right” approach — top down, hierarchical, and “my way is the highway.” Leaders like this model themselves after feudal lords, and if you’re around them, they expect you to bow down.

They deliberately manufacture chaos, because when other people are shaken by instability, it makes them easier to control — and reinforces that the leader is the lone source of truth in the ecosystem.

A lot of people are thrown by this. They see people around them being yelled at, shamed, and belittled, and feel like they’re trapped in a dark parallel universe that makes no sense.

I’m here to tell you that these leaders and their chaos are not illogical — they just follow a different type of logic. If you can understand how they think and make decisions, they become highly predictable. And the thing about predictable people is that tactics work very reliably on them.

Some things to understand how they think:

• They don’t believe in equality. You’re either being stepped on or doing the stepping.
• They feed on attention. They love getting reactions out of other people — especially negative ones.
• They need a lot of reassurance. Their egos need to stay inflated or they collapse.
• They believe everything is a game. And if you’re not winning, you’re losing.
• They’re constantly assessing. They’re judging you to understand whether you’re a useful tool, a hapless sheep, or a threat.
• They posture power to those around them. They expect both affirmation and deference.

Accordingly, here are some of the tactics that work best on them, whether they’re your investor, board member, church leader, or family member:

1. Get them to monologue. Just like an evil villain in a movie, these guys love to rant about their favorite subjects. Listen closely and understand how they prioritize and think, so that you know what levers exist to upwardly manage them.
2. Decide your red lines in the sand early. Leaders like this push the boundaries of rules and laws. Know what you are and aren’t willing to do before you’re asked to do something that compromises your values. If you’re asked to do something that violates your values, play dumb, misunderstand the instructions, or find a way to delegate to someone else. Leaders like this already think that everyone else is incapable — play into that.
3. Learn how to manage your own energy. Leaders like this are very draining to be around. Try to do something at least three times a week that makes you feel recharged — whether that’s time with your kids, baking, playing soccer, or taking a walk. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
4. Match your upward management with their emotional age. A lot of people’s emotional age doesn’t match their body age. If your leader throws a lot of tantrums, recognize their capacity is close to a toddler’s. Give them a lot of breaks, always have distractions ready, and make sure that meetings have snacks.
5. Starve the dragon. They’re like a big, territorial dragon that feeds on reactions. Don’t react, and they’ll get bored with kicking you and move on to someone else.
6. Show them you’re useful. These leaders discard people like old shoes, but they often won’t discard you if you provide them with something that they need. Think about ways you can make yourself irreplaceable.
7. Don’t tell them what matters to you. If they don’t know what you care about, they can’t manipulate you with that leverage. But if you tell them you’re excited about an initiative, or a vacation, or a new hire, they’ll take that thing away from you.
8. Let them make assumptions about you. If they see you as a threat, they’ll target you. It’s better to be underestimated and seen as one-dimensional. If they stereotype you, don’t object — play into their ideas so they don’t have a sense of your actual priorities.
9. Plan for them to negotiate in bad faith. Use game theory, and hide what you actually want within larger asks.
10. Find ways to make them look good. In hierarchical systems, if you make someone above you look good, they’ll both keep you around and pull you up the ladder with them.
11. Know what they’re good for. You can’t shop for milk at the hardware store — if you try, you’ll always be disappointed. They’re not capable of empathy, compassion, or appreciation, so don’t look for that.
12. Don’t believe their “generosity.” With them, all generous acts have secret strings.
13. Remember who you are. Environments like this can distort your surroundings, so it’s hard to remember where you came from. Remind yourself frequently what matters to you most and how you’re protecting it.
14. Don’t let them weaponize your morality. Immoral people manipulate others using moral norms because it creates predictable reactions (e.g., “How dare you take away the health insurance of my child with cancer!”). Don’t let them press your buttons.
15. Validate their emotions. Naming how someone is feeling is the number one way to de-escalate a situation.

Know that as you deal with these very difficult personalities, you’re not alone — and there is hope. They’re not monsters, they’re just very flawed humans, and if you have the skills to manage them, you can protect what you care about most.

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Kate Lowry is a CEO coach, venture capitalist, and author based in Silicon Valley. An expert in fear-based leaders, Kate developed her methodology growing up in a fear-based family, then refined her approach in the elite worlds of start-ups, private equity, management consulting, and big tech at McKinsey, Meta, and Insight Partners. She is the author of Unbreakable: How to Thrive Under Fear-Based Leaders. In her free time, you can find her writing comedy and music and cuddling her service dog, Annie.

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Posted by Michael McKinney at 06:31 PM
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Leading Thoughts for October 23, 2025

IDEAS shared have the power to expand perspectives, change thinking, and move lives. Here are two ideas for the curious mind to engage with:

I.

Jeffrey Pfeffer on authenticity:

“The last thing a leader needs to be at crucial moments is ‘authentic’—at least if authentic means being both in touch with and exhibiting their true feelings. In fact, being authentic is pretty much the opposite of what leaders must do. Leaders do not need to be true to themselves. Rather, leaders need to be true to what the situation and what those around them want and need from them.”

Source: Leadership BS: Fixing Workplaces and Careers One Truth at a Time

II.

Steven Goldbach and Geoff Tuff on getting behind the interpretation:

“People frequently speak to each other at the level of a conclusion rather than sharing the data or how they interpreted the data. As a result, when people disagree, they may be doing so simply because they aren’t looking at the foundational information that drew them to different conclusions. ”

Source: Provoke: How Leaders Shape the Future by Overcoming Fatal Human Flaws

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Posted by Michael McKinney at 02:32 PM
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