Are You A “Good” Leader? That Might Be the Problem

WHEN I speak to a room of leaders, I like to start with a quick show of hands.

How many would say they’re a bad leader? No hands. Good. How many think they’re exceptional, one of the best to ever do it? A few brave souls, usually with a laugh. And how many would put themselves somewhere in the middle, pretty good to very good?

That’s where most hands go up. And honestly, that’s where mine goes up too.

When Good Stops Being Enough

Here’s the catch. That “pretty good” is exactly where the trouble usually starts right now.

For most of our careers, good was plenty. Show up prepared, communicate clearly enough, hit your numbers, and treat people fairly. Success. In a stable world that adds up to a solid leader and a steady team. But we’re not leading in a stable world anymore. Economic whiplash, AI anxiety, restructuring, burnout, or the news alert that makes a 23-year-old wonder if their job will exist in two years. Uncertainty is the operating environment now.

And uncertainty changes the math. My team and The Harris Poll surveyed more than 2,000 employees about their leaders, and the finding that stuck with me is now on a sticky note on my desk: uncertainty multiplied by good leadership doesn’t produce good outcomes. It produces a slow rise in anxiety, a creeping complacency and a quiet drift. Not a collapse. Nobody calls a meeting about it. It’s the erosion you don’t notice until trust has already thinned.

What I Learned in a Parking Lot

I learned this the hard way, and not in a boardroom.

Late last year I taught my daughter Avi to drive. Picture an empty parking lot. No traffic, no danger, just the two of us and a lot of nerves. She started out confidently. I was the problem. Every time she took a turn a little fast, I grabbed the door handle. Every sharp breath I took, she paused. My white knuckles weren’t keeping her safe; they were teaching her to freeze. She went from learning to surviving, in an empty lot, with the one person who most wanted her to succeed sitting right beside her.

It hit me halfway through that lesson: I do this to my team. Not on purpose. I care about them, same as I care about Avi. But when I lead from my own anxiety, it travels. People feel it, they tighten up, and the very capability I need from them shrinks.

That’s what good leaders tend to miss.

The Mirror

So, here’s the mirror I’d hold up. Three questions, and they’re harder than they look.

1. Do the people you lead feel that what matters to them is valued, not just what they produce? In our research, 35% of employees under good leaders feel their work is appreciated. Only 16% feel that what’s important to them, as a person, is valued. Those are two different things. One says, “nice job on the task.” The other says, “I know what you’re working toward, and I see how this connects to it.” Good leaders are reliably strong at the first; most never get to the second. Good leaders praise the work; exceptional leaders ask what someone cares about beyond it, then connect the work back to that answer.
2. Do they feel heard? Only 19% of employees under good leaders say yes. Sit with that. Four out of five people in your meetings don’t feel heard by you. Usually, it has nothing to do with the leader being callous. A lot of us were taught early that professional means impersonal. Don’t let them see you sweat. So, we armor up. And the thing about armor is that it works both ways. It keeps people from reading us, and it keeps us from taking in what they’re trying to say. Good leaders ask, “how’s it going” and accept “fine.” Exceptional leaders ask, “what do you need from me?” and stay quiet long enough to hear the real answer.
3. Do they feel they’re growing? At 14%, this is the lowest score of all. Most people under good leaders have stopped believing there’s a future worth investing in where they are. They aren’t complaining. Rather, they’re quietly saving their best energy for somewhere that sees their potential. Where a good leader explains what’s changing, an exceptional one shows each person how the change includes them and what their future looks like in it.

None of those gaps show up in a quarterly engagement score until it’s too late. That’s what makes these gaps so easy to miss.

The Leaders No One Worries About

I want to be direct about something, because it’s easy to soften. If you’re a competent, well-meaning, dependable leader, you’re exactly the person this is written for. The leaders I worry about most aren’t the ones who are obviously struggling. It’s the good ones, precisely because no one thinks to worry about them, including themselves.

The Heart Work Can Be Taught

The good news is that the distance between good and exceptional isn’t a talent gap but a training gap. These skills are learnable. Today, they’re the heart work of leadership, and not one of them requires charisma or a preference for extraversion. Ingraining new habits is about starting small. In this case, start with gratitude, which our research found is the single biggest differentiator between good and exceptional leaders. Retire “great job, team.” Try “I noticed what you did in that meeting, and it mattered.” Name the behavior, name the impact, and make it personal. Then go further. Have one conversation this week that isn’t about tasks. Ask someone where they want to grow, and how what you’re building together connects to that. Then actually listen to the answer.

I’ve come to believe the leader makes the weather. In a parking lot or a team meeting, the same rule holds. Create a climate of tension and watch people hunker down. Offer calm and watch them start to drive.

Good used to be good enough; it isn’t anymore. The difference isn’t the storm, it’s who’s steering the ship.

* * *
David Grossman is founder and CEO of The Grossman Group, a leadership and communication consultancy. His latest book, The Heart Work of Modern Leadership: 6 Differentiators of Exceptional Leaders, is an Amazon #1 Best Seller and is available now.

* * *
Follow us on Instagram and X for additional leadership and personal development ideas.

* * *

 

Posted by Michael McKinney at 10:51 AM
Permalink | Comments (0) | Leadership

Leading Thoughts for June 4, 2026

IDEAS shared have the power to expand perspectives, change thinking, and move lives. Here are two ideas for the curious mind to engage with:

I.

Jim Collins on the love of doing the work:

“There is a big difference between being in love with the idea of one’s work and being in love with doing the work itself. It means not just the love in the 0.001% highlight moments; it means love in the other 99.999%.”

Source: What to Make of a Life: Cliffs, Fog, Fire and the Self-Knowledge Imperative

II.

Morgan Housel on the pain of pursuit:

“Most things worth pursuing charge their fee in the form of stress, uncertainty, dealing with quirky people, bureaucracy, other peoples’ conflicting incentives, hassle, nonsense, long hours, and constant doubt. That’s the overhead cost of getting ahead.”

Source: Same as Ever: A Guide to What Never Changes

* * *

Look for these ideas every Thursday on the Leading Blog. Find more ideas on the LeadingThoughts index.

* * *
Follow us on Instagram and X for additional leadership and personal development ideas.

 

Posted by Michael McKinney at 12:22 PM
Permalink | Comments (0) | Leading Thoughts

First Look: Leadership Books for June 2026

HERE'S A LOOK at some of the best leadership books to be released in June 2026 curated just for you. Be sure to check out the other great titles being offered this month.

Data Inspired: Building an Organizational Culture of Inquiry for Lasting Transformation by Sebastian Wernicke

Ninety-nine percent of businesses surveyed say that data and AI are a top priority―but two-thirds admit to feeling stuck. What most leaders miss is that to succeed at becoming a data-driven business requires developing a nuanced understanding of why data holds such transformative power, what a data-inspired culture looks like, and how to get there. Data Inspired shows that the secret isn't to be more data-driven―it is to become data-inspired. This book reveals the crucial strategic distinction between using data to optimize existing operations and using them as a catalyst for deep transformation and innovation.

Superteams: The Science and Secrets of High-Performing Teams by Ron Friedman

What do the best teams do differently? To find out, award-winning social psychologist Ron Friedman surveyed thousands of teams and pinpointed the precise habits that separate the best from the rest. The results upend everything we think we know about teamwork. It turns out that the most successful teams aren't the ones that collaborate most, get along best, or put in the longest hours. What really sets them apart is the way they manage their energy and attention, bring out the best in one another, and keep improving over time. Blending eye-opening discoveries with unforgettable stories, Superteams takes you inside the writers' room of Succession and Bridgerton, the recording studio of ABBA and Fleetwood Mac, the kitchens of Michelin-starred restaurants, the laboratories of Nobel Prize–winning scientists, the locker rooms of NBA and NFL teams, and the boardrooms of the world's most innovative companies.

Effective: How to Do Great Work in a Fast-Changing World by Melissa Swift

Navigate the weird, chaotic world of modern work, no matter your position. While there's no shortage of advice on being amazing or avoiding burnout, what if you simply want to get things done in a workplace that feels increasingly impossible? Effective is here to help you get your job done well without losing your mind. Drawing from up-to-date research and provocative interviews with employees across industries and levels, renowned people consultant Melissa Swift offers a positive, well-illuminated path through the dark forest of destabilizing workplace changes.

Wired for Peace: Using 7 Neuroscience-Based Principles to Resolve Conflicts by Jeremy Pollack

A deep dive and exploration into the critical role of the nervous system in conflict resolution and peacebuilding. Drawing from neuroscience, social neuropsychology, predictive-processing theory, and decades of applied conflict resolution practice, Wired for Peace presents a transformational model for understanding why conflict escalates and how sustainable peace is created. Moving beyond traditional communication-skills or mediation-only approaches, this book shows that lasting conflict resolution begins with the autonomic nervous system and the brain’s threat-prediction mechanisms. The book illuminates the internal neural architecture that determines how individuals perceive danger, construct narratives, react to stress, and attempt either protection or connection.

Failure Is An Option: Reflections of a Silicon Valley CEO by Mike Grossman

For nearly three decades, Mike Grossman has been at the center of the world’s most mythologized innovation hub, leading early-stage, venture-funded tech companies through the highs, heartbreaks, and near misses that define life in the Valley. He has raised millions, managed boardroom crises, built great teams, and navigated moments when everything seemed one bad quarter away from collapse. Failure Is An Option gathers forty-four sharp, candid essays shaped by years in the trenches. Together, they form a mosaic of what leadership really looks like when the cameras aren’t rolling: the moments of absurdity, fear, luck, and endurance that make or break a company and the person leading it. Unflinchingly honest and darkly funny, Grossman dismantles the myths of startup success and offers an insider’s view of what it means to build under pressure. This is not a playbook or a victory lap. It is a collection of truths about ambition, uncertainty, and the art of holding it together long enough for the story to make sense.

For bulk orders call 1-626-441-2024

* * *
“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.”

* * *
Follow us on Instagram and X for additional leadership and personal development ideas.

 

Posted by Michael McKinney at 11:56 AM
Permalink | Comments (0) | Books