Leading Blog


« Shifting From a Supply-Driven Economy to a Demand-Driven Economy | Leading Blog Main Page | The Laws of Charisma »



11.24.10

Seven Charisma Killers

In The Laws of Charisma, Kurt Mortensen lists a number of things we do that repel people. He writes, “These mistakes are silent charisma killers. Most people will never say anything to you that will alert you to the fact that they are being repelled. They are more comfortable lying to you so that they don’t hurt your feelings. They walk away and simply never deal with you again.” Here are seven of the most common charisma killers adapted from Mortensen’s list that you may not even know you are doing:
  1. Talking Too Much. How can you influence others if you are always talking?
  2. Showing How Much You Know. You can come across as forceful, aggressive, and obnoxious.
  3. Getting To Friendly Too Fast. Research tells us that the majority of people do not appreciate unsolicited small talk, and many find it offensive.
  4. Getting Too Comfortable (Too Fast). Respect their things and they will respect you.
  5. Proxemics. You must respect personal space, or you will make others feel uncomfortable.
  6. Being One-Sided With Your Facts. There are facts and there is the truth. Are you genuine and transparent?
  7. Arguing or Trying to Prove You Are Right. Having to be right demonstrates an arrogance that is masking insecurity.
Are you guilty of any of these?

Posted by Michael McKinney at 12:24 AM
| Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0) | Communication , Personal Development



TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.leadershipnow.com/cgi-bin/mt/mt-tb.cgi/829

Comments

This is excellent advice. I would add don't pretend you know something when you don't. Let the people you lead teach you what they know. This is very empowering for them. For leadership book summaries and selected tweets check out my blog at DrDougGreen.Com.

Posted by: Douglas W. Green, EdD | November 26, 2010 05:43 AM

Very good post with practical advice to follow. On your point #5 - respecting others' space -- you hit a very intercultural point.

For leaders who are leading teams from other cultures, be very aware that "comfortable distance" varies greatly with cultures.

On point #3, you mention that most people don't like small talk. Not sure this is 100% true. It varies by personality type. You can spot someone's type and make them feel comfortable by responding to the cues they give.

Here's a post to further expand:
-----
http://katenasser.com/kate-nasser-gps-for-personality-types/

It gives leaders (and their followers) tangible ways to develop this interpersonal skills.
Kate Nasser

Posted by: Kate Nasser, The People-Skills Coach | November 29, 2010 05:11 PM

Post a comment

(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)




Main Page | LeadingArticles | LeaderShop | Connections | Communicore | LeadingThoughts


Copyright ©1998-2012 LeadershipNow / M2 Communications All Rights Reserved
All materials contained in http://www.LeadershipNow.com are protected by copyright and trademark laws and may not be used for any purpose whatsoever other than private, noncommercial viewing purposes. Derivative works and other unauthorized copying or use of stills, video footage, text or graphics is expressly prohibited. LeadershipNow is a trademark of M2 Communications.