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08.21.09

12 Keys to Greater Self-Awareness

There is no evidence to suggest that any species of animals other than humans come pre-packaged with a set of mechanisms for self-awareness. The degree to which we develop and use that capacity, in a constructive way, will largely determine our success in life.

Self-awareness is where leadership development begins. Self-management and authenticity flow from self-awareness. Self-awareness can be divided into four parts: what is known to us and others, what is known to others but not by us, what we know and others don’t and what we don’t know and others don’t either. Plumbing the depths of self-awareness takes time and more intensive tactics. However, our biggest gain in self-improvement can be had by finding out what others know that we don’t. And they know more than we think.

Here are twelve keys to greater self-awareness:

Stop blaming others for your choices. It’s you.
Take a personality assessment to help you gain some perspective.
Get feedback from as many significant people in your life as you can. This can be uncomfortable for both you and them, but it is the fastest method for gaining a better picture of yourself. (Make them feel safe. It's a big, unknown risk for them!)
Get a coach or mentor. They don't have to know more than you. They just have to see you in action and help you to be a better you. You're not as hard to figure out (complicated) as you would like to think.
Understand that your biggest irritations look a lot like you.
Look beneath your behavior to reveal your assumptions and filters. They dictate how you see yourself and others and impact how you relate to them.
Look at your roadblocks. Learn to separate facts from your interpretations of them.
A lot of negative interactions signal a selfish approach to life.
Reflect daily on your behavior. Ask questions like: How do I handle difficulties? What do I think or do when I don’t get my own way? How adaptive am I? Can I control my emotions? Do I tend to say what I’m thinking when I’m thinking it? Do I judge other people and create conflict? How do others relate to me?
Organize your thoughts in a journal. It is one of the best ways to capture what is going on around you and inside you. Make a note of the causal remarks people make about you.
Read books and go to seminars that help you rethink your assumptions and address your problem areas and blind spots.
Words mean a lot. Your language reflects your thinking and attitudes.

Your thinking and the behavior that flows from that has brought you to where you are now. You are in control of developing the thinking and behavior that will take you where you want to go. Self–awareness is difficult. We don’t always like to admit things about ourselves because we don’t like the guilt associated with not doing what we know we should. But admit we must if we are to grow. Ask yourself, “In light of where I come from, what do I need to know about myself?”

Warren Bennis wrote, “It is one of the paradoxes of life that good leaders rise to the top in spite of their weaknesses, while bad leaders rise because of their weakness….We are our own raw material. Only when we know what we are made of and what we want to make of it can we begin our lives—and we must do it despite an unwitting conspiracy of people and events against us.” It is a lifelong and rewarding journey.

Posted by Michael McKinney at 12:09 AM
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Comments

Do something very challenging or very hard. Pushing yourself, hard, can result in great insight. Insight that sticks with you.

Consider yourself lucky when you go through a great tragedy, it can be a great source of self awareness.

Bruce

Posted by: Bruce Benson | August 22, 2009 03:14 PM

Great post!

I plan to share this one with a number of those in my network.

I key step we all must face is what we know, and what we do not know but need to know. Your gut and intuition are not enough anymore.

I talk about this in my blog post : Your “gut” and “intuition” are not enough…today http://nosmokeandmirrors.wordpress.com/2009/02/13/youre-gut-and-intuition-are-not-enoughtoday/

Mark Allen Roberts

Posted by: Mark Allen Roberts | August 23, 2009 03:55 PM

That was very interesting and useful, thanks for putting it together.

Posted by: LeaderNexus | August 25, 2009 07:05 PM

Wonderful post. What a wonderful way to start the morning!

Posted by: Julie Baker | August 26, 2009 08:42 AM

Hi,

What a great post succinctly said and so true, I'm tweeting it, hope you get some readers.

Ric Townsend
http://twitter.com/rictownsend

Posted by: Richard Townsend | August 27, 2009 02:55 AM

Too often we look for external blame or force for our inability to get what we wanted. You have very good points as we and we alone can determine ou own progress. I believe it started with self awareness.

Posted by: SK WONG | August 27, 2009 05:16 AM

Great Article!!

Posted by: David | August 27, 2009 06:13 AM

Great Article,

I find that it is also important to stop and take the time to do an honest self assessment with yourself. You can only do this by stepping away from your work and taking a break. You have to make this time – it’s the only way to grow and not just react.

I also agree with trying many new things outside your comfort zone – you learn a lot about yourself.

Mike Conwell

Posted by: Michael Conwell | August 27, 2009 06:29 AM

I don't disagree with any of this, but it seems to have a negative slant. Knowing your strengths is just as important as knowing your weaknesses - maybe moreso. Everyone has flaws. People are largely able to understand and forgive you for them. If you develop your strengths, they'll overshadow your weaknesses. Focusing on your flaws will only hold you back.

Posted by: Andrea | August 27, 2009 06:11 PM

Awareness is one of the four catalysts I write about in Personal Brilliance. Self-awareness plays an important role.

The biggest barrier for executive self-awareness I've found is the notion that the leader is supposed to be above it all and have all the answers. An external view to problems. Letting this go is the road to a flow that is really freeing.

Posted by: Jim Canterucci | August 28, 2009 04:35 AM

Andrea, thanks for your comment. There is a focus on the negative aspects of one’s behavior, but I wouldn’t think of it as negative. Yes, people may be willing to put up with our flaws and often people are tolerated even though they are a jerk because we offer some other value – perhaps one of our strengths. At the same time, we may be “overusing” a strength and so it is not viewed as a strength. Without self-awareness we can never know this. Even with all of our gifts, if we are having a negative effect on others, we will not be given opportunities to shine. We need to know how we are coming across.

Consider this example from today’s WSJ. I’ve posted an except:

Why Gen-Y Johnny Can't Read Nonverbal Cues

Reading a text message in the middle of a conversation isn't a lapse to them—it's what you do. It has, they assume, no nonverbal meaning to anyone else.

It does, of course, but how would they know it? We live in a culture where young people—outfitted with iPhone and laptop and devoting hours every evening from age 10 onward to messaging of one kind and another—are ever less likely to develop the "silent fluency" that comes from face-to-face interaction.

Lots of folks grumble about the diffidence, self-absorption and general uncommunicativeness of Generation Y. The next time they face a twenty-something who doesn't look them in the eye, who slouches and sighs for no apparent reason, who seems distracted and unaware of the rising frustration of the other people in the room, and who turns aside to answer a text message with glee and facility, they shouldn't think, "What a rude kid." Instead, they should show a little compassion and, perhaps, seize on a teachable moment. "Ah," they might think instead, "another texter who doesn't realize that he is communicating, right now, with every glance and movement—and that we're reading him all too well."

Full article: http://ow.ly/miyi

Posted by: Michael McKinney | August 28, 2009 10:11 AM

12 great thoughts. I like the challenge of self awareness.

Posted by: Jim Jackson | August 31, 2009 05:56 AM

You're a bit anthropocentric about self-awareness. A little research into the mirror test will amaze you.

Posted by: Pete | September 10, 2009 08:48 PM