Dondi Scumaci has it right. Extraordinary leaders under duress instinctively do a "mood check," an assessment of how their body is reacting to a situation. They then re-center themselves, transcending self-doubt or other emotions and ask questions like the ones cited by Scumaci.

As I learned in a recent leadership workshop at the incredible Strozzi Institute, pay attention to your “grabs.” These are instinctive responses to events in which we are emotionally hijacked by deep-seated fears embedded in us years ago. It puts us into fight or flight mode which strips us of our ability to lead ourselves, let alone to lead others.

Strong leaders have worked their way through such “grabs.” The starting point is self-awareness. Get to know patterns of stimulus and response (shortly after an event, make notes on a 3x5 index card, put the card away, then read the cards at the end of two or three weeks; write down the trigger and the emotion it evoked along with the source of the trigger -- who said or did whatever was the trigger). Spend some time digging into your past to see what or who built the grab pattern into you.

Edward Demming's criteria included the posit: eliminate fear. This needs to be a personal mantra. Ask yourself, do my actions and reactions live up to this mantra? We must work to eliminate fear in both our actions and reactions. Do your actions or reactions live up to this concept. Often, I suspect our moods and emotions are often a reflection of the fears we carry around and are often at the core of our being and this is what others sense when we are around them. Others hostility or bad moods can be diminished with our equanimity. Eliminate fear in both your actions and reactions. Take responsibility for the fear you carry around in your actions.

I don't disagree with Dondi Scumaci though I would offer a thought for improving on her questions. Well, one of them in particular "Why am I feeling that way?"

In my experience this is not a very useful question. "WHAT is causing me to feel that way" is far more useful. If you are aware of the triggers for your 'grabs' you are well armed to prepare against them. 'Why?' is a root cause question. When you root cause a problem (in an IT system for example) it is valid to ask why after why after why. I caution against doing this with people unless you are very well trained - or even using why at all. I practically never do as I have found that root causing a person when they are in a problem state is not a wise course of action. It often associates them with the negative experiences causing the grab and moves them (and you) no further forward. 'What' is a much more practical and ultimately more useful question for everyone, and leaders in particular, to use.